BOW DOWN TO ME!
by Ryujin Mei
Summary: An incredibly AU story...with Nobunaga Oda as the Chief of Police and your favourite Samurai Warriors cast in equally messed up occupations...not to mention androids and maids...what else can possibly happen? OCs wanted!(horrible summary..I know...)
1. Hah! I'm the BEST!

_Helloo~~ It's Ryujin Mei again! Teehee! Thank you for clicking on this! I'm horrible at titles and summaries so yeah...Hope you guys enjoy this one! Let's goo!(Title and summary subject to change...I'm really sucky at them T_T)_

**[_UPDATE! I've added the occupations and stuff at the end of the page]_**

* * *

"Heh heh. The amazingly, gloriously, talented and handsome bounty hunter Yasuo Hayatori has returned! Praise me!Bow down to me!"

A boastful male shouted loudly as he kicked opened the doors and smiled brightly. "I know! I know! You guys are too overwhelmed by my brilliance to speak.*sigh*" He gave his head a flick as his long side fringe covered his left eye, and sighed at the lack of response. "Being too gifted is truly a burden, is it not, Kiyomi?"

"Affirmative." The rather blank and almost mechanical response came from the short, but well-endowed, delicate female next to him. She nodded her head slightly, causing the bell around her neck to ring.

"Muahaha...you've returned." Nobunaga Oda looked up briefly from cleaning his rifle and smirked at Yasuo "So today's theme is meidos? I see." He chuckled before readjusting the impressive solid gold nameplate on his desk**. [Nobunaga Oda- Chief of Police] **

"..." Kiyomi blinked back in response. Perched on her head was her usual cat ear headband, however today she was wearing an extremely short customized maid-style kimono which barely reached her knees.

"Oichi." Nobunaga called out towards a young woman sitting in the back with her husband "Go get the next assignment from Nō"

"Nagamasa..." "Ichi..." The very much in love couple sitting at the desk near the back entwined their fingers together and stared into each other's eyes. They seemed to have shut off everything else around them.

"Oichi" Nobunaga repeated himself again, tapping his fingers impatiently against his collection of rifles.

"Oh look at this Nagamasa! Isn't it lovely?" "Haha not as lovely as you, Ichi!"

"MUAHAHAHAHA! OICHI!" Nobunaga grabbed a megaphone and yelled loudly causing all the glass in the windows to shatter.

"Oh! Brother? What was it?" Oichi snapped out of her reverie and saluted sharply, while Nagamasa quickly took out cleaning equipment and began fixing up the mess. "Ah, it's Yasuo! How are you?" He smiled kindly while Yasuo gave him a dismissive nod; before noticing Kiyomi, "Good afternoon Miss Fujisaki. Errm.. your outfit today is very nice " The innocent and rather naïve man blushed deeply before averting his eyes nervously.

"I'm glad it pleases you." Kiyomi spoke with no hint of expression "Do you have any outfit requests? Yasuo said you asked for something last time."

"I..err..."

"Nagamasa! " Oichi stared at Nagamasa with teary eyes as she sniffled slightly and covered her mouth "So...you think Fujisaki is prettier than I am? And...you like her fashion sense more than me?*sniffle*"

"Ichi...don't worry." He clasped her hands tightly and stared into her eyes "I won't ever look at another girl besides you..."

"Nagamasa..."

The lovey-dovey couple returned to their little world and again succeeded in blocking out Nobunaga's yelling.

~x~x~x~x~

"If it isn't the hottest woman in the police force." Yasuo sauntered over to where Nō, the secretary was reclining, placed his feet casually onto the table and crossed his arms behind his head. "Perhaps I'll get a dress like yours for Kiyomi to wear.." he placed a hand under his chin, deep in thought as he examined Nō and Kiyomi. "Your figures are quite similar, though no one can beat my Kiyomi in terms of cuteness."

"Oh? Such a perverted little boy..." Nō raised an eyebrow lazily, before conjuring a small knife from her kimono and pointing it at him. "..but you can't die just yet... here are your next assignments." She slid a pile of wanted posters and files towards him before stabbing the knife through the pile. "I really should warn you against flattering married women."

"Heh. You knew I was praising you?" Yasuo flicked his fringe to the side and winked playfully at Nō who smirked with amusement. "Well, don't worry, I'm not into old women anyway."

*shiing* Nō grinned and pulled out a rocket launcher from within her physics defying kimono. "Heehee... I'm what now?"

"You misheard me" he flicked his head back to uncover his left eye before smirking, "Haha, just seeing if beautiful women weren't all beauty and no brains."

"Oh? Is that so?" Nō licked her lips and giggled as she fired the rocket.*BANG* The rocket fired and blasted a gaping hole through the wall, just missing his face by a few centimetres. "*sigh* It's tough being so intelligent and witty like me." Yasuo wiped the black soot off his face and shook his head with mock sadness before marching off "All these lower life-forms can't comprehend my brilliance! Kiyomi! Let's go!"

"Affirmative Yasuo." The delicate, but well-endowed girl by his side responded mechanically and collected the pile of wanted posters from a less then amused Nō. "My apologies." She bowed before following her companion.

"Alright then... let's see." He flicked through the files with boredom before finding one of interest. "Heh..a money scammer eh? Huh!" He dragged a hand through his perfectly styled hair "Maybe this will be fun to do."

* * *

**_Ooooh who's the money scammer? Take a guess! I'll give you a prize if you get it right! ;)_**

* * *

_Heya! Sooo what do you think of this one? Just letting you know, it's very, very AU, seriously Nobunaga Oda as a Police Chief? Lol! Isn't Yasuo an asshole? Haha I kinda made him into a cocky smart-ass bastard type...lol kinda based him off someone... *giggles evilly* Forgive me! :P They're different to my ocs from A Chaotic Mix.. and Kiyomi is...there ..for...the fanservice. Well.. I've always wanted to try the kuudere sort of type. No hides a lot of weapons within her kimono, it really must be like Doraemon's pocket or something! Haha! I've made it some sort of gag now! Teehee! Watch out for more!_

_Hmmm...yes..I will take in ocs for this fic. I'm having fun using reader ocs for ACM so yeah! Review em in! (details below!) And! This fic probably won't be updated as frequently as ACM ok? :D SANKYUU~~_

**Name:**

**Gender: **

**Age:**

**Occupation: (anything should be fine, I mean.. I have a visual kei idol in this! *spoilers*)**

**Desired force/army: (which person in SW would you most want to work with? ONE PERSON! Well...fine! 2 people! TWO (2) PEOPLE!) REFER TO NOTES! AT END OF PAGE**

**Personality: (are you an asshole like Yasuo? A sweet kind girl like Oichi? A pedo-trap like Hanbei?)**

**Physical Appearance: **

**Notes: anything else you want to add? Heh, Your oc's 3 sizes? *wham* shut up Yasuo! What if they're male?**

**Ideas you'd like to give me: Shoot away! :D**

* * *

**Mei's ocs !**

**Name:** Yasuo Hayatori (Current name)

**Gender: ** Male

**Age: ** 23

**Occupation:** Bounty hunter/ works for police/does odd jobs

**Personality: **he is a very nice guy until he opens his mouth. A bit of a cocky bastard... make that a very cocky bastard. Arrogant and cheeky. (Clearly his mother never disciplined him...) has a one-track mind, will do almost anything to get his job done (a bit of a perfectionist), has no qualms about betraying others (well, maybe not Kiyomi),

**Physical Appearance: ** tall and quite good looking, long side fringe which covers his left eye (he has a scar on his forehead ... and a huge complex about it), wears a tight fitting shirt to emphasis his abs, has shoulder and arm guards, wears armoured trousers and boots. Also wears fingerless gloves, likes to go shirtless though

**Notes:**

-uses a variety of weapons, favours his guns because he won't need to dirty his hands that way

- the name 'Yasuo' was taken from one of Mei's newly discovered lovers, 'Yasuo Namekawa' *swoons*, however Yasuo is not his real name..it remains a secret for future plot usage

-likes to make Kiyomi cosplay, his current interest is meidos, hence Kiyomi's outfit. His excuse? Well, what do you have to say for yourself Yasuo?

**Yasuo:** Heh! *flicks hair* Lower beings like you don't understand! What better way to attract those wanted guys than with a cute girl? *shrugs* I'm too good for you to comprehend...

~x~X~x~x~

**Name: ** Kiyomi Fujisaki

**Gender: **Female

**Age: ** 21

**Occupation:** bounty hunter/helps out police/ Miss fanservice?

**Personality: ** blank, robotic-like personality, extremely loyal to Yasuo, although the exact nature of their relationship is unknown (Lovers? Friends? Siblings? Business relationship? Who knows?), very calm and analytical, seems to be the only person who can stand to be around Yasuo for more than 10 minutes.

**Physical Appearance: ** looks like Naotora Ii from SWC (is well endowed despite her small figure, a total fan service girl), wears cat ears, has a ribbon around her neck with a bell hanging off it, often wears clothes designed or customised by Yasuo.

-also uses a variety of weapons, her current one is a whip (Yasuo claims that she is an 'S')

**Notes:** -is a huge fan of Motochika Chosokabe (that famous visual-kei idol and fashionista ..in this AU fic that is)

- seems to be able to wear anything at any time (she's developed an immunity to cold and heat)

-she wears cat ears because Yasuo claimed they help attract perverts, hence he can fine them and make some additional cash (Seriously, he's such an ass)

-seems to have some connection with Ranmaru Mori...

* * *

**The occupations/forces/blah of our lovely Sengoku crew**

**1. Police Force A**

**- Chief of Police **_Nobunaga Oda_

_-_**Deputy Chief- **_Mitsuhide Akechi (he's continually trying to overthrow Nobunaga though...)_

_-_** Secretary/Weapons Officer **_Nouhime (doesn' t do a good job)_

**-Medics - **_Oichi and Nagamasa Azai_

**2. Toyotomi-Kai /Hashiba Corp.(they lead double lives..sorta..)**

**- Gang leader/company CEO **_Hideyoshi Toyotomi_

_-_ **Boss of Maeda Co./Hideyoshi's right hand man** -_Toshiie Maeda_

_-_**everyone's 'mother'-** _Nene_

_- _**detective/double agent/****3rd in Command-** _Mitsunari Ishida_

**-Architect/ 4th in command **_Kiyomasa Kato_

_- _**NEET/5th in command **_Masanori Fukushi_

**-C.I.D (currently in development) **_Yukimura Sanada_

**3. IZUMO (a fake charity)**

**-Boss/ part-time miko **-_Okuni_

_-_ **Okuni's right hand man -**_Magoichi Saika_

_-_**a human shield/battering ram - **_Goemon Ishikawa_

**4. PRIDE OF THE TACHIBANA (self proclaimed defenders of the peace..too proud to join police force)**

**-Chief Enforcer **_Ginchiyo Tachibana_

**-Deputy Enforcer** _Muneshige Tachibana_

**5. Tokugawa-kai**

**-boss** _Ieyasu Tokugawa (is also a master of disguise...)_

**-bodyguard** _Tadakatsu Honda_

**-assistant **_Ina_

**-hitman** _Hattori Hanzo_

**6. Police Force B/ also trying to spread their cult**

**-Chief**_ Kenshin Uesugi_

**-Deputy/ **_Aya Gozen_

_-_**Advertising Officer **_Kanetsugu Naoe_

**7. Information brokers**

**-Hanbei, Kanbei and Ranmaru - **_also work as spies, undercover agents_

**8. Celebrities/Other**

**- Garasha-**_Model/_

-**Motochika Chosokabe- **_singer/visual kei idol_

- **Yoshimoto Imagawa and Naotora Ii : **_Kemari and tea promoters_

**- Matchmakers/Fortune tellers **_Kai and Kunoichi (they fail..badly..)_

_-_** Shingen Takeda- **_runs a horse racing thing...and a gambling centre_

_-_**Motonari Mori **_famous historian, frequent victim of scamming_

_-_**Masamune Date: **_firearms enthusiast/ chef_

_-_ **hitman for hire- **_Keiji Maeda_


	2. If you're going to use gunsDO IT RIGHT

_Hi! I finally updated this one! I hope it's to your expectations! *sigh* Schools been soo evil to me lately! Plus I'm broke so I had to start working again..and..it' s horrible! (blame my game addiction) My boss is a slave driver! At least my colleagues are nice! Teehee! *ahem* enough about me..Ah! One thing..I rated this one T because..it contains guns, weapons, a few somewhat suggestive jokes..and little kiddies might learn bad words! Otherwise, its kid friendly..seriously the kids of today are waay too protected and stifled. *I'm going to stop here or it'll be a 2000+ word rant*_

* * *

"Ren!Good news!" Hambe Takenaka giggled cheerfully on the other end of the phone "I found out everything you asked for! Heehee! It was so easy though!" He clapped his hands excitedly while in the background, a deep male's voice began shouting indistinctly. "...ah, so you can be useful." Yasuo smirked to himself as he lay on his bed fiddling with his MP-412. Papers and important-looking documents were strewn around the floor. Kiyomi would probably come in to clean it up later. "Peh...you already forgot? I'm not Ren anymore, I changed my name." He rolled over and reloaded the MP412 before throwing the empty cartridge out the window. Remember, it's not good to throw stuff out of windows.

"Oh yeah! *giggle* You're Yasuo Hayatori now! I forgot! Anyway..."There was some silence as Hambe shuffled through some papers "Hang on...Noooooo!_*muffled arguing noises and breaking glass*_ Heeeyy! *_gunshots*_ Kambe! Ran! *_sounds of swords clashing* _Shhh! I'm actually working now!...*_muffled talking* _YES!...What was that Kambe?...OK~~_*indistinct chatter* _Yasu? You still there?"

"...how much longer must I wait?..." Yasuo had pressed the phone between his ear and right shoulder while he leafed through a newspaper "..*sigh*..." He "Heehee! Let's get down to business! Anyway! Yasu! Some members of IZUMO will most likely be there are the concert today...hmm...you know the one at Kyoto? "

"...you mean the event where Motochika, Hideki and some lolis are performing?" chuckled Yasuo as he examined a reminder on his other phone :_[Reminder: Requesting meeting regarding Assignment #21-45 QX, codename SC4M at 1400 hours, Kyoto Dome –Kiyomi Fujisaki] _yeah yeah, I know. See ya."

**_~1500 hours, Kyoto Dome~_**

Onstage, Hideki Kaito the world famous pianist was performing with Gracia. At least 50 women were being lifted onto stretchers and attached to breathing apparatus. The rest of the crowd was struggling to contain their fangirling and fanboying. Gracia bounced happily around singing to his flawless piano playing.

"Hmm that guy's apparently a genius. Well, probably _almost _as smart as I am." Yasuo stood talking to himself as he watched Hideki. "Hideki..'esteemed excellence'... Kaito..'soaring sea' .and I'm Yasuo, 'strong man and Hayatori 'a swift bird'... Maybe I should have put some more thought.."

Kiyomi tilted her head 43 degrees, causing the bell around her neck to chime " I thought you considered meanings when you made a new name for yourself. Also, I fail to understand why you discarded your original name. Requesting-mm?" Kiyomi's eyes widened slightly as Yasuo sighed and placed a finger on her mouth. "Huh! Don't ask. Don't mention. Don't question. We already agreed not to meddle into each other's personal lives. Anyway.." he flicked his hair as he pointed to the poster in Kiyomi's hand "Gimme that, and Ill forgive you for attempting to trespass into my personal life."

""Negative. I refuse to part with this image of Motochika-sama." Kiyomi held on tightly to the limited-edition signed poster with a childish pout on her face.

"*sigh*"

~x~x~x~x~

"Heehee! Hi there everyone! I'm Yumi Naka~~" A short and extremely cheerful looking young woman with long loose brown hair skipped onto the stage. Despite being 20 years old, she was outfitted in a cutesy high schooler uniform complete with knee-high white socks. "Heehee! Yay! I'm so happy to be here! Let's go~" She stared directly at the camera and gave a wide toothy grin causing the audience to squeal with delight.

"Mi en wa umida, suki de waki" she spun around happily causing her pink skirt to twirl around while she waved to members in the audience. *THUD* squeal* *THUD*kyaaa* THUD* It seemed her cuteness levels were super effective for some of her fans.

Life is one time~~" She tilted her head cutely causing the large blue bow on her headband to flop slightly; and made a peace sign to the audience who either squealed with delight or fanboyed like crazy. "...what a lolicon!" Yasuo flicked his head with disinterest "Not to mentions she's flat chested..."

**_~Backstage~_**

Seated on a chair was a red girl. This wasn't an exaggeration. Her waist long hair was dark red and her eyes were also a lovely shade of red. Her entire outfit which consisted of a sleeveless knee-length dress was red. However, she was wearing black flat boots; so the previous statement should be revised.

"Hey. You're Motochika's bodyguard eh? The name's Yasuo Hayatori. Remember it well!" He walked over to her, crossed his arms and smiled smugly "Autographs, dating requests and worship can come later alright?"

"Huh? You say something?" Kurenai Kurokasa examined her fingernails as she glanced up at Yasuo. "Whatever."

"Hmph." Yasuo shook his head with mock sorrow "Yet another person who fails to comprehend my brilliance! Such a pity! Isn't that right, Kiyomi?" he flicked his hair and glanced at his partner, who was staring transfixed at the stage."...Motochika-sama..."

"..whatever" He shrugged his shoulders in an attempt to hide his 2.5 seconds of slight embarrassment. "...10 seconds." Kurenai pulled out a knife and pointed it at him "I'm giving you 10 seconds to clear off! I can't stand annoying idiots like YOU!" The raging redhead snarled angrily and pulled out another similar looking knife, for anyone interested, she was wielding a pair of stilettos.

"Silence." Kiyomi blinked back at Kurenai and calmly disabled her arms. "Please refrain from unneeded noise." She held Kurenai in a headlock before taping her mouth shut with duct-tape. "Motochika-sama is singing..." All this happened in 1 minute and 23 seconds.

"MMMMMM!MMMM!MMWWWPHH!" Kurenai struggled furiously to escape from Kiyomi's iron grip. "*CRACK*" There was a painful sounding noise as Kiyomi raised her hand and gave her a firm chop on the neck." I cannot tolerate interruptions to Motochika-sama. Good night Kurenai."

~x~x~x~x~

"Yasuo *kzzt* Hey!" squealed a high pitched teenage girl's voice from Yasuo's phone. "Oh if it isn't Flatso." yawned Yasuo as he lazily fished the phone out of his pocket and sighed. "I hate you!" Flatso *_bzzt Typing_ _Error 173-CH* _Hanahime screeched angrily in the phone as the crackling intensified. "Anyway, I've been watching Gate #2 for the past hour. Okuni's just arrived and started setting up a charity stand. I'm going to tail her for a bit; you better come help me! Or else!"

"...and? Pfft. Don't tell me you're so hopeless you have to rely on me AGAIN?" smirked Yasuo as he stretched his arms and hung up. "*sigh* I'm too awesome for my own good..." he readied his trusty MP-412 and FN-FNC before giving his hair a quick brush "Ah well, it is part of the burden of being a genius. Kiyomi!"

"Affirmative." responded Kiyomi as she readjusted her meido headband and saluted sharply. "Now commencing Stage 2 of Operation. Pursuit and capture of Okuni, violence is deemed usable as long as target remains breathing."

~x~x~x~

"Hideki! Where's Gracia...Gracia!"Mitsuhide Akechi crashed backstage waving his guns frantically "Have you seen Gracia? She told me she was only going for a short while to see her friend..." he trailed off and sat down heavily onto a chair "...what am I going to do now...this is the 134,568th time she's gotten kidnapped since last year...*sigh*" He tiredly rubbed his forehead and fished inside his pockets for some aspirin. "Calm down Mitsuhide. Now, let's try think back to the last time we saw her..." Calm as ever, Hideki went over to his friend and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Hmm...did she perhaps specify where she was going? And with who?"

"..noo.." Mitsuhide buried his face in his hands before his phone rang. "Vice Chief! We got a problem!" Hanahime's squeaky voice was panicked. "I pretended to help out with my brother and Okuni but *eek* oh! Well, Okuni and Goemon have started escaping and Magoichi's gone off to *_sounds of gunshots* _DIE!_ *rapid gun fire* _he's gotten a few hostages and is planning on holding Yumi Naka and Tsukiko Yagami hostage.*kzzzzt*"

"Alright. Everyone, we have to evacuate. Rghh...why did Gracia have to get lost now!" Mitsuhide began barking out orders and everyone else began moving along with him. "Motochika! Quickly! This way!" Kurenai instantly sprang into action, grabbed Motochika by the wrist and pulled out a large survival knife. "Time for me to do my bodyguarding job."

"I heard everything Assistant Chief!" Yasuo grinned at Mitsuhide and waved cheekily from his seat."Well! leave that to Kiyomi and I! Hehe, this is nothing. Won't even take 5 minutes. Later" he turned and waved a hand lazily. "Kiyomi"

"Understood." Kiyomi nodded and without any effort, lifted a large 80kg briefcase onto her shoulders and followed after him.

~x~x~x~

"Alright, if you don't want to be filled with holes, drop your weapons and come out with your hands on your head." Magoichi Saika held up his BARRET- 50CAL and gave a warning shot. "This entire area is now under IZUMO! Haha!"

~x~x~x~

"Tsukiko Yagami?" Yasuo jerked a finger at Tsukiko who nodded before backing away "W-who are you? W-why do you know my name?"

"...AHAHAHA!" his loud laughter echoed through the room, mingling with the sounds of gunfire. Considering that he had magazines slung over his shoulders and 2 assault rifles in each of his hands...Tsukiko had every right to be terrified. "*sigh* must be tough being an inferior species...you're a well- known singer, how could I NOT know your name? _LOLI?"_

"Stop that! Eeek! You're being so mean! I betcha you're the bad guy's friend!" Yumi pointed her finger at Yasuo and aimed a glare at Kiyomi; who only blinked in response and continued firing her own sub-machine gun. "Your logic is flawed. We are from the Oda police force. Additionally, a Mr. Takenaka has expressed conerns for you safety. Requesting your cooperation."

*BANG* A gunshot rang out and Tsukiko cowered in the corner behind Yasuo who calmly fired away, laughing happily like a child. As soon as the gunshots faded, "..." his held up hand relaxed as he sighed and waved her to the door. "Oh! T-thanks so much!" Tsukiko flushed red as Yasuo let go of her shoulder and stood up to stretch his arms. "Keh. You should be bowing and scraping to me, I mean I just wasted my time babysitting a useless thing like you. Not to mention you're flat chested."

"Y-you're so mean! It would have been better if you didn't speak!" Tsukiko's face was red as she bunched her fists and glared at a nonchalant Yasuo "_He was so nice until he talked to me! How could Hanbei be friends with this guy? "_

~x~x~x~x

"kyaaaaaaaa!" Yumi's desperate screaming filled the air as Magoichi Saika emerged from within the smoke and placed her in a headlock with a knife under her throat. "Alright, I'll give you 10 seconds to drop all your weapons or this chick gets it."

"..Y-yumi!" Tsukiko shrieked with fear and buried herself into a ball. "No need to panic! I knew this would happen! Everything is still going according to plan" he flicked his hair back and threw away his now useless gun. "Heh! Is that all? Haha, what a lame threat" Yasuo laughed cockily and pulled out his 50 M2HB BMG. "What an idiot. Going after a sub-machine gun with a sniper rifle. *sigh*" He pulled some out some additional magazines before smirking to himself. "This is going to be soo easy. Snipers have horrible close range abilities and firing rate is slow..heheh..." he stood up and kicked down the door brandishing the 50 M2HB BMG "This baby can pump out 1200 rounds in a minute!- he paused to flash a confident smile- this'll be over in 15 seconds!"

"That won't be necessary." A calm and composed male voice interrupted just as Yasuo was about to pump lead into Magoichi and the hostages behind him. Hideki Kaito's white suit was as immaculate and perfect as ever; despite the messy situation. "You're going to hurt the hostages as well, haven't you thought of that?"

"Pfft, so what? As long as I get the guy dead or alive, that's all I care about" Yasuo shrugged dismissively and repositioned the gun "now, move aside Mister, I've got a job to do!"

"Oi, oi don't forget about me..." Magoichi sweat dropped and fired a shot at Hideki before aiming his rifle at him "Hey you, that famous piano guy. You be the hostage and I'll let the kids go. I reckon we'll get a higher ransom payment from ya. Deal? "

"Ah, of course. Please don't hurt anyone else." Hideki smiled calmly and held out his hands for Magoichi to tie up. His face was a serene and calm, however on the inside he was planning out the most efficient way to disable Magoichi.

"Mr. Kaito!" Tsukiko and Yumi hugged each other in fear and looked at him "! HELP! *kyaaa* Someone!" Yumi squealed in fear and looked around terrified "...*sniffle*" she buried her face in her arms before shaking. " Y-yumi?" An equally scared Tsukiko tapped her gently on the shoulder "heeheee! I'm okay now~~ heehee!" Yumi giggled softly and smiled reassuringly before slumping back with despair "no...I'm not..*sobs*...I'm so useless..*sobs*"

"..." as soon as Magoichi held Hideki's wrists to tie him up; Hideki had grabbed Magoichi's hand, flicked his wrist lightly and swiftly withdrew his hand. "GUh!" groaned Magoichi as he crumpled to the floor "Argh! M-my arm.." his right arm was all purple, all the veins were popping out and his hand was twitching slightly. "..rgh..what the hell did you do...ughh.."

"Threat apprehended." Kiyomi produced a pair of handcuffs, a blindfold and a whip from within her tight outfit. "Now commencing Phase 3."

"..." The hostages looked somewhat stumped, Magoichi blushed bright red and almost spat with shock at the items in her hands. "w-what the hell are you planning to do with that? I'm not a–mpmh!" Hideki gave him what appeared to be a gentle tap on the back of his neck; causing him to become limp and floppy.

"Your assistance is appreciated." Kiyomi bowed to Hideki who smiled kindly back before waving a hand "Not to worry young lady."

~x~x~x~

"Give it up." Mitsuhide stepped out from behind the police car and drew his guns.

"..._ara...ara..."_ Okuni hugged the briefcase of money tightly to her chest "Won't any nice gentleman help a lady in need?" she fluttered her eyelids delicately and began to cry. "*sniff* I'm only trying to raise money to *sniff* help the poor orphaned children...*sniffle*" She wiped her eyes lightly with a handkerchief before glaring at the policemen "Have you no heart? *sobs* How could you turn a blind eye to the helpless members of society? Shame on you!"

"...Deputy Chief...we're sorry" a few of the policemen wiped tears from their eyes and held their hands over their hearts. A sergeant turned to Okuni and offered her his hand "..you poor thing...don't worry, we believe you..."

"MEN!" A furious Mitsuhide yelled into his megaphone in an effort to alert his useless underlings *ahem* workers about Goemon; who was charging like a mad bull towards Okuni. Around him, a few policemen who were doing their job lay motionless on the ground. One man appeared to have been flattened to the ground. "STOP THAT!" Trigger happy Hanahime was holding a QBB LSW and firing away; all the while with an almost possessed smile and her face. "Heheheh AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"HEY! Get away!Okuni!" Goemon roared angrily and charged towards the nearest police car which toppled over; sending a group of policemen running for cover.. "Gahaha! Leave it to a master thief like me! Geheh!" he then body slammed the road block, leaving a clear path for escape. "Okuni! C'mon let's go!"

"*giggle* Thank you, Goemon dear!" Okuni giggled softly before mercilessly stamping on his head with her shoes and running over him. "Fare thee well!" she waved cheerily before climbing into a helicopter and disappearing.

"..."

"Well, what are you going to do about that _Assistant Chief?_" Yasuo grinned at Mitsuhide who began searching through his pockets for some painkillers. "Silence." Mitsuhide looked icily at Yasuo who smirked and shook his head. "Haha, must be tough being so incompetent, right _Second-place?"_

* * *

**_~Someplace, somewhere~_**

A group of young men dressed in sharp black suits complete with branded sunglasses stood in a circle around a rough looking man. Actually, one of the young men was wearing a singlet top to emphasise his well-toned biceps, triceps and rock solid abs. **[Kiyomasa Kato, an architect by day, 4****th**** in command for Toyotomi-kai by night..or vice versa.]** Additionally, one of the young men was wearing an odd headdress, giving the impression that he was a devil who had fused with a fluffy rug. **[Mitsunari Ishida, a detective for the police force, (why is he here then?) 3****rd**** in command for Toyotomi-kai] **Remember these facts well.

"Hmph. To think that you would try do something like this...such a pity..Masao." The fluffy-devil-rug man, or Mitsunari Ishida crossed his arms and shook his head slowly." You know that Toyotomi-Kai won't tolerate any drug dealings in their territory. Looks like I'll have to use **that."**

"No!..not **that**...! please...no..! NOT **that**" squealed the man, now identified as Masao as he widened his eyes in fear and began going down on his knees praying whatever higher being could intervene and save him from...**that.**

"Too late." said Mitsunari who shook his head slowly as he prepared to use **that** on Masao; who was now foaming at the mouth. "There's a reason why I'm wearing **this** today.." he pointed a finger at his fluffy rug thing. Well, to be accurate the deadly looking 10cm tall horns, which coincidentally gleamed in the bright lights of 5 high powered torches.

"...you can turn the lights off now." scoffed Mitsunari as he snapped a finger at the 5 underlings who were holding up torches and reflective screens.

"Heh?uhh..okay! Mitsunari sir!" The dim-looking men saluted sharply and began reloading the aforementioned items into the back of a shifty looking truck.

"Hah! Prepare to die!" 2 new underlings grabbed Masao by the arms while Mitsunari lowered his head...and gave him a headbutt...which included two stabs with the deadly horns."Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Masao's loud screams were quickly muffled as Masanori punched him in the stomach.

"Here you go." Kiyomasa bent down and placed a small envelope of money and a hospital voucher next to an unconscious Masao. "*sigh* You fools. The Old Man's going to throw a tantrum now.." sighed Kiyomasa as he flexed his arms before laughing. "RUN!Hahaha!"

* * *

**_So...chapter one comes to a close. What did you guys think? Be honest! *W* Oooh...what's Yasuo's real name? why is Mitsuhide always so uptight about being called 'deputy'? what were Kanbei and Ranmaru doing in the background? oohh...we'll find out soon!_**

**_Anyways:_**

**_Twilightcrystalflame..I hope you liked my portrayal of your oc! From her description and your dp..I kinda pictured her looking like a Team Magma grunt...dunno why lol._**

**_Gianti-Faith...err well, I don't know who Kana Hanazawa is so..I... .. well! Hope you liked it! _**

**_Wandering Dude1..hope you liked Hanahime's portrayal, one question though, Masamune and Magoichi will be kinda 'the bad guys' and this would sort of conflict with Hana's occupation...I know it's sorta my fault for not being clear O..do tell me if there are any issues..I'll think of something..maybe.._**

**_ Ayyarin...Hope you liked Hideki! He's a cool oc..and I'm worried I stuffed him up! *waah* Also, I had no idea what the chi-blockers in Avater did..soo...I based Hideki's fighting style somewhat on wuxia (The TOUCH OF DEATH O.o) and some martial art my dad's friend practises. (Don't know what it's called) I saw him literally hold a guy's wrist, FLICK it and the guys arm turned purple, all the veins popped out..and the scary thing..his arm was paralysed for 2 days. _**

**_Kurei-Chan! I hope I didn't make Yumi too much of a loli..because that's what she reminded me of...and expect to see 'her' sometime soon! (not sure if you would like you-know-who to be a future surprise..I kinda do teehee!)_**

**_All the gun mentioned are real, courtesy of C.O.D baby!_**

**_There was a joke my friend and I made when we saw Mitsu's SW3 design for the first time..those horns..can seriously kill...look at them..Haha SW-joke edition Mitsunari's C3 – slash, slash HEADBUTT! Instant KO! Lol! By the way, I made the Toyotomi and Tokugawa yakuza because..they're pretty much like modern day feudal lords you know?_**

**_Well, thanks to everyone for reading (even you guests out there...I know you're reading..I can see the views!) even a simple 'hi' for a review is nice, it makes us authors feel more motivated, even though I write for fun, it's still so nice reading reviews. Whew, this was a looong author's note._**


	3. WhaWHAT THE HELL?

_Hey there! How have you guys been? Ahh! MUSOU OROCHI 2 ULTIMATE! I LOVE IT! ITS AWESOME! STERKY-KINS!Yeah. that and damn school was the reason for the late update. Ahhh! Ayyarin-rin's story is sooo good! Updaatteee! same as Kurei-chans! Anyway! Enjoy this one! ACM will be updated soon...hopefully! I'm in a bit of a silly mood so yeah!:P AND AND! YOSHITSUGU OTANI AND NOBUKYUKI SANADA ARE CONFIRMED! YOSHI-TAN IS HAWT! but Nobuyuki...wtf? *ahem* LET'S GOO!_

* * *

**_~ Police Force A HQ~_**

"...so...what are we going to do about this?" asked a nervous looking sergeant as he gazed at his higher-ranked colleagues and boss. All the high ranking members of Police Force A (and a sergeant) stood in the cafeteria around a large wooden crate which had been left at the entrance overnight.

"*click*" Nobunaga nonchalantly continued polishing his newest gun; an XM307 completely ignoring the possible chance the crate contained a bomb.

"..." Nō casually pulled out a small knife from within her kimono and began filing her nails.

"...*yawn*" Yasuo shrugged his shoulders and began texting three different *ahem* 'girlfriends' simultaneously.

"Ichi..." "Nagamasa..." The lovey-dovey couple were once again lost in their own world.

"..." Kiyomi readjusted the ribbon which was the only thing holding her tiny dress up. Yet another one of Yasuo's odd designs.

"..*sigh*" Mitsuhide sat carefully scribbling out every single '2' on an important looking document while muttering something to himself.

"Um...guys? S-shouldn't we do something?" the sergeant gulped nervously to himself before wiping his sweating brow with a tissue.

"Suggestion. X-ray the contents." Kiyomi pointed to the crate before methodically rattling off instructions "If contents are poisonous, according to rule 23D-5 disposal of poisons, section A-3...*rest omitted*"

"..ah...good idea. Let's do that." Unsurprisingly, Mitsuhide looked rough and tired after the failure that happened the previous night; not to mention Garasha had disappeared to who-knows-where.

~x~x~x~x~

There was a short silence as the crate passed through the detector and an image began to show up on the x-ray screen. However the members were totally unprepared for what they saw show up. At least, most of them.

"...AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!*thud*"

"W-what...could...this...possibly mean?"

"...*yawn*...*click*"

" ..! Threat detected!"

"Oh? Hehehe how delightful"

"Eeek! Nagamasa! I'm scared!" "Don't worry Ichi, I'll protect you!"

"Huh, probably from a jealous hater. Or a crazy fan *sigh* It's tough being so popular"

Projected onto the screen was an X-ray of...a human skeleton curled up in a ball. The skeleton was moving slightly, or it was the vivid imagination of the members twisting the reality.

"Yasuo. Open it and check." Still focused on his gun, Nobunaga jerked a thumb towards the cocky bounty hunter who jerked back slightly, before placing his hands on his hips with disbelief.

"H-huh! You're expecting _me_ to dirty _my_ hands with something as insignificant and petty as this? Pfft! I don't get paid to do this level of menial labour!" He shook his head sorrowfully before attempting to make a 'cool' and 'badass' escape; aka jumping out the 2nd floor window.

"Oh! That's a terrible idea!" Oichi gasped with shock before pointing to the large '**Number 2'** sign above the door. "We're on the **2****nd** floor! It'll be a very messy job **too**! Besides! That'll be **too** much of an injury for **two** people to handle! Hang on a **second**! We'll work something out! "

*snap* a pen snapped neatly in half in Mitsuhide's hand as he muttered darkly to himself, for the purpose of this fic, a transcript is available "_Grr...number 2...second place...rgh...I detest that number..."_

"Kiyomi shall substitute for Yasuo. Commencing exposure of yet-to-be-determined item." Kiyomi methodically walked up to the crate and effortlessly opened it up. "..." upon revealing the contents, she simply blinked with a lack of surprise while everyone else reacted differently.

"*pfft* I knew it! *sigh* too easy"

"...*yawn*..mm?"

"heheheh...interesting."

"eek! Nagamasa!" "Ichi! It's ok!"

"...G-g...*thud*"

"OH MY BUDDHA! OH AMATERASU! OH MEIRYUJIN!"

Curled up neatly inside the crate, Gracia blinked her eyes sleepily as bright light and loud noises woke her up. "Oh! My! What happened?" she stood up and quickly looked around frantically before noticing everyone's questioning stares. "..ah! Father! Good morning!" she leapt out the crate and smiled happily at her father; who blinked, rubbed his forehead and began searching for painkillers.

"...Father? Aren't you going to say good morning?"

~**_HanKanRan Information Brokers _**~

"Oho! Care to follow the Imagawa and learn about tea, kemari, grace and elegance?" Yoshimoto Imagawa grinned cheerfully and began pushing a handful of pamphlets and leaflets into Kanbei's hands. "Come join the way of the artisans!" The well-endowed woman next to him smiled and began clapping her hands. "Yes! Come join the artisans!"

"..." Kanbei blinked back at the smiling clown-faced Yoshimoto who was now demonstrating his kemari skills.

"Come on. It'll be nice!" Naotora Ii chimed in cheerfully as she showed him a colourful tray on which several cups of tea were arranged. On closer inspection, they were super glued to the tray and the liquid inside was actually specially designed tea-scented candle wax.

Kanbei raised an eyebrow slightly and sighed before tightening his grip on the door handle. "I have no interest in joining the way of the artisans." Kanbei blinked back at him before slamming the door shut."waai—mph" Yoshimoto's yell was stifled as Kanbei slammed the reinforced-bullet proof-bomb-proof door shut.

"Hey! Kanbei! Who was that?" Hanbei skipped to the front and peered curiously at Kanbei who smirked slightly "...just a travelling clown. Nothing more."

"Oh? But he left his foot behind..." Hanbei pointed behind Kanbei; the latter raised his eyebrows with alarm and whirled around sharply, while Hanbei giggled. Sure enough, Yoshimoto's foot was sticking out through the cat flap and twitching rapidly, while sounds of yelling echoed from outside.

"..." Kanbei opened the cat flap and door, allowing a struggling Naotora to free her fellow promoter. "Oho! Thank you kindly!" Yoshimoto grinned at him and offered a kemari ball "Care to play?"

"..." A demonic hand rose up from the ground; sending the poor clown and his partner flying 45km away. Kanbei looked around to ensure he had left nothing behind, before closing the door with a satisfied nod.

"Kanbei..you're such a meanie!" Hanbei giggled at his friend who raised an unamused eyebrow in response. "... Is that so? When dealing with tenacious salesmen...show no mercy" he smiled thinly as he heard the doorbell ring once again. Hanbei grinned and leapt forward "I'll get it! It might be Tsukiko! Or Aka-eh Yasuo! Heelloo~" he opened the door only to be greeted with...

"Oho! Care to-"

*SLAM*

**_~Hashiba Architectural Firm~_**

"*sigh*oh? That time already?..looks like I gotta go now! Later!" Seated at a comfortable desk in the Hashiba Architectural Firm, Kiyomasa quickly began gathering his stuff before glancing at his watch._ "Rgh...If I come late again, Yumi's going to be so whiny. Urgh."_

"Great job today Kiyomasa! See you!" Hideyoshi smiled warmly as Kiyomasa rushed out at a speed of 96km/h, before continuing what he was doing before; watching Oichi in the Police building with his high powered, infra-red and night vision enabled binoculars. "gyaaaah! Move aside Nou..maybe if I did something.."

"Hideyoshi! Stop that! You should be ashamed!" a scolding male voice interrupting his spying as Toshiie Maeda whacked him on the head with a booklet. "Anyway, I heard that the stocks for Shibata have gone down this month*sigh*" his shoulder slumped as he leafed through the 9686+ pages of incredibly detailed information. "..things don't look too good for Maeda Co. at this rate..."

**_~Takeda Casino~_**

"Shingen! What kind of mask are you wearing today?" Kunoichi chirped happily as she saw the casino owner standing next to her table with his back turned. Seeing as it was a nice day, they were all seated outside enjoying the warm spring air.

"Hoho! You're a spritely young one!" His body shook with laughter as he tapped his mysterious face mask lightly " How about taking a gamble on which one I'm wearing? Hoho!"

"Hey! Stop it!" Kai slammed her fist onto the table, stopping Kunoichi from handing a $10 note to Shingen "We're already in the red this month!"

"No way! That was because you got scammed by Okuni again!" Kunoichi pulled the note back and shoved Kai away.

"No! She promised me she'd help me find a boyfr-eep!" Kai grabbed the note and waved it victoriously before dropping it in alarm.

"See? I knew it! You idiot!" Kunoichi caught the note and the two girls glared at each other angrily.

"Can't you kids keep it down over there?" A gruff male's voice stopped the bickering girls as Ujiyasu Hojo walked while trying to hide from..something..or rather..someone..

"You there! Stop smoking!" Ginchiyo Tachibana swung her sword and sliced Ujiyasu's pipe neatly in half."Tch, what was that for?" The older man grumbled and relit another pipe before getting his bandana sliced in half. "Grr!" Ginchiyo again slashed the pipe before pointing to a large sign in front of them. "What does this say?"

"..Hrmph! I'm an old man! I didn't see!" Ujiyasu made a show of rubbing his back and grumbling about his old age before Ginchiyo uprooted the sign and rubbed it in his face. "IT SAYS 'NO SMOKING'" with an angered sigh, she threw the sign down and began continuing her daily rampage *ahem* patrol of the area.

~x~x~x~

"Haha, so how about we meet up again next Monday and continue our discussion?" Sitting separate from Ginchiyo's vigilant patrol, Muneshige Tachibana and surprisingly, Magoichi Saika were enjoying a drink together.

"..Muneshige? Shouldn't you be focusing on interrogating him?" Hanahime looked up from her task of diligently writing down everything Magoichi was saying; after all, being self-proclaimed enforcers of the law the Tachibanas had no access to detectives or lawyers or whatever. They managed to do 257 (and counting) jobs themselves.

"haha! Come here.." Muneshige waved Hanahime over and whispered in her ear "This is all part of the plan! It's easier to get info from a guy through drinking, after all. If I let Ginchiyo handle things, we'd be paying his medical fees." As Hanahime's eyes widened with understanding, Magoichi narrowed his eyes before frowning at his sister. "Oi, oi, what are you planning with him, Hana? I already said you could work with Okuni and I you know..."

"so?" Hanahime stuck her tongue at him and the two siblings were about to tear each other apart, to Muneshige's amusement when a certain red girl walked up to the group.

"Are you Muneshige Tachibana?" Kurenai examined Muneshige before checking a small business card in her hand. **[Ginchiyo and Muneshige Tachibana, self-proclaimed defenders of the peace (too proud to enter the police force)] ** The back of the card said **[Naturally Tachibana. Orange farmers and sellers. 100% home grown]**

"SILENCE!" Lightning buzzed as Ginchiyo's sword skilfully sliced through the 7cm by 4cm card in Kurenai's hands. "We're not that... we're THE PRIDE OF THE TACHIBANA!"  
'Yes! That's right" Muneshige smiled carefreely and offered an orange "Were you after this?"

"Yes. That's right. Motochika told me to come pick up 2 boxes." She tapped her foot impatiently as Muneshige disappeared to collect the order. "Here you go. Enjoy." Muneshige effortlessly handed her 2 large crates of oranges before grinning at his wife, who was angrily stomping towards them. "Ah, if it isn't Ginchiyo. Finally feel like trying an orange?"

"SHUT UP!" Ginchiyo grabbed the oranges and expertly sliced them to pieces. "I already told you to stop with your silly side business. It's unbecoming." She folded her arms and turned away with a sniff.

"Ahaha...I'm so sorry about her behaviour." Muneshige laughed as he began picking up the orange slices "Hopefully Motochika was intending on eating them straight away!"

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?" roared Kurenai as she pointed to the piles of neatly sliced oranges on the ground. "Oh? Well, I guess, you can still eat them. Provided you give them a quick wash." He smiled and continued picking up the pieces when Kurenai stomped her foot on the ground. "NO WAY! THAT'S UNHYGIENIC! I DEMAND A RE-"

"Ara, ara! What have we here?" Aya Gozen walked out from seemingly out of nowhere with Kanetsugu in tow. For some reason, he was lugging a large wagon of some sort.

"Here, have some Naoe Ai-su-cream." She handed every single startled patron a small bowl of specially made ice cream, before standing on the small podium at the front of the room. "Come! All of you who are lost! Come join the followers of Bishmonten!" she waved her arms wide and smiled serenely "Forget all your troubles! Join Police Force B!"

All the people who had been fighting, arguing, eating, trying to pick up girls immediately stopped what they were doing, Aya's entrance and speech was just that random.

"...what the hell?"

"WHAT ABOUT MOTOCHIKA'S ORANGES?"

"MUNESHIGE! STOP THAT!"

"HANA! *BAM* PUT THE GUN DOWN! *BLAM* Don't shoot...your brother...*BLAM*"

**_~Mikawa Café~_**

"Excuse me sir, you haven't paid..." Ina stopped Yasuo just as he was about to leave the café.

"Huh! I've already paid you!" Yasuo waved a dismissive hand at her before standing up "Take a look at the receipt for yourself!" he jabbed a finger impatiently at the receipt lying on the table.

Ina frowned slightly before checking the receipt and tapping Yasuo on the shoulder politely. "Sir...there's nothing here..."

"*sigh* As expected...I thanked you for bringing me my food. " he tapped a finger on her forehead before shaking his head with dismay "Now, you can't put a price on kindness can you? I'm such a generous man! Such a pity that fools can't understand geniuses..."

"Hey! How dare you speak like that to me! I'll tell my father on you!" Ina slammed the receipt down the table and strode off to alert the manager aka her father, when an imposing figure clad in armour appeared.

"So. You're the customer who refuses to pay?" Tadakatsu Honda (who was outfitted in his Sw3 armour) looked intimidatingly at Yasuo who coolly examined his fingers before shrugging "I suppose so. And?" he glanced up and gave a dismissive smirk. "got a problem? I thought the customer was always right. Isn't that your policy?"

"Not only do you refuse to pay, you also insult my little girl." Tadakatsu glared at an unflinching Yasuo and cracked his knuckles "You shall pa-*bzt*" he raised an arm to throttle the cocky bastard but stopped suddenly. "Ina." He glanced over at his daughter who nodded frantically. "Yes father! I'll go get the backup supply right away!"

"...the hell? Is that guy an android or something?" Yasuo looked questioningly as Ina returned with a large power generator, and attached the tail-like thing at the back of Tadakatsu's armour to it.

**_~ ACM Studio_**

"Yo. Sorry I'm late." Kiyomasa entered the building quickly and almost crashed into his co-worker who had been roaming the corridor. "You should be!" Yumi pursed her lips and crossed her arms stubbornly before launching into a whiny rant. "Why do you aaallwways come late when we work together?" she tugged his sleeve before gasping" No way! So...so..you hate me?"

"What? Why would you think that?" Kiyomasa looked quizzically at her before changing out of his business shirt and into a dark blue singlet top. "You're such a strange girl. And stop reading those stupid fanfics about us! Gosh!" he grabbed a copy of the script for their latest anime project [ Fragments of the Soul]. "Hmm...so I'm playing as Yuu Sakamoto ...and you've got the role of.." he flipped through the pages as Yumi's eyes lit up "Wow! I've got the role of Umeka Sumeragi! Kyaaa! We've got the main roles! Yay!" she danced around happily before suddenly lowering her head. "..but I've got so many offers..*sigh* Its sooo annoying! I just wanna have fun! Mmmm! They better have romance this time!"

"..just calm down. There's no romance this time. You can put the fanfics away now." He patted her head like a little kid before they entered the recording room.

~x~x~x~

Immediately getting into character, Yumi's childishness was completely gone as she began speaking in a quiet, almost emotionless voice. "Oh. I see. What flowers would you like planted on your grave?"

"Wh-wha? What you do mean by that?" Kiyomasa raised his scriptbook higher as he tried to bring his character to life. "You're such a strange person Umeka. I don't understand you."

"What do you think? You're asking to die. The least I can do is adorn your grave with something nice." Yumi blinked emotionlessly before continuing "I hate it when idiots like you throw their lives away like that. You might as well be asking me to kill you right now."

"Er..well, I...I won't be dying. I promise you. Believe in us." Kiyomasa spoke his line seriously before slamming the scriptbook shut. "_we're done'_ he motioned to the woman standing outside, who nodded and entered the room.

"Ok! That was a great job! Yumiii-chan! You were suuperrrb as always! Same as you Kiyomasa! " The overly cheerful woman clapped excitedly before patting them both on the shoulders. " see you next time!"

~x~x~x~

"Why are you following me?" Kiyomasa sighed as Yumi stalked him down the road. "Come on, just go already."

"Fine then!" she puffed her cheeks and pouted before grabbing his arm and skipping off "Tehee! Ok~~ I'll leave you alone after we eat at this new sweet shop!" she turned back and winked before tugging him along "Your treat~~"

"Tsk...what am I? a babysitter? Maybe I should quit this part-time job.." Kiyomasa sighed heavily as the hyperactive seiyuu pulled him along. "oof!" Yumi crashed into a business woman who for some reason was carrying a camera around her neck.

"Eeeek! Ah! My glasses! My glasses!" the woman knelt on the ground frantically searching for her glasses. "here you go~~!" Yumi giggled brightly as she handed them over to the woman who blinked before shaking her hands energetically.

"Oh my! Thank you so much ! Ah! You're the girl who sang at the Kyoto Dome! Yumi Naka!" the woman's neat bun became messy as she flailed around excitedly "Please! I'm Kurumi Natsumura, a reporter for CBR media! Could I ask a few questions?"

She produced a phone from within her neat business suit and stared expectantly at Yumi who blushed and nodded "Yaay! I love interviews! Soo-huh? Kiyomasa?" Kiyomasa had begun dragging her off, "Sorry Miss Natsumura... I..well we gotta go. See ya!"

"Oh! *giggle* no problem! I'm so sorry I wasted your precious time! Ah what a shame though! It's not every day I get to see one of my favourite idol walking casually along the street! And with another fellow idol! Oh my! Is this a scandal I see? Ahaha I see it now.. **[BREAKING NEWS: YUMI NAKA AND KIYOMASA KATO DATING**?] no no! that's too blunt! Maybe **[ Breaking news: Scandal? Yumi Naka and Kiyomasa Kato..together?] ** eeek! It sounds terrible! Wait! Why were they together? Could they be planning to elope? **[Breaking news: Yumi Naka and Kiyomasa Kato eloping?]** Eek! *giggle* everybody will be dying to read this! Ah! This might even be bigger than the 'Maiden of Time' incident! Oh my! I should have pressed harder! Why! the last time I managed to snag an interview through legal means with Kaito Hideki..eep!" she calmed down and methodically began fixing all the loose strands on her bun. She smiled sweetly as she smoothed her wrinkled blazer. "...Yumi Naka the famous seiyuu...or is it? Teehee..." She pushed her glasses up slowly causing them to glint brightly in the darkness. "I know some things about you that you~ might~ not~ know~*giggle*"

~x~x~x~x~

"Kyaaa! What a nice study! Is this your office, Mitsu?" Two girls dressed in matching gold _cheongsam_ and 4cm high stiletto heels clung to the detective/yakuza man as he led them into a neat study. "Maybe. Who cares?" Mitsunari smiled smugly to himself and sat down casually on the leather armchair. "Come over here girls..." he stretched his arms out and placed them over the shoulders of both girls; one on either side.

Kin, the girl with short hair giggled and snuggled up against him; while Kaneko, the girl with long hair sat on his lap and poured him a drink. "So... Kin, anything new?" Mitsunari took a sip from the glass Kaneko offered him and glanced at the busty woman who was playing with his hair. "Mmmm..nope. Nothing at all." Kin spoke thoughtfully before tapping her cheek "Oh! I think there is something! One of my regulars mentioned something interesting...something about a 'Kurei'? Do you know about it Mitsu?" Mitsunari only shrugged his shoulders as he took another sip and sighed thoughtfully.

Kin took the opportunity to attempt to push Kaneko off Mitsunari "Mitsu...why don't you let _me_ sit on your lap? I've done way more work than Kaneko!" "No way! I've done more!" Kaneko glared at Kin who was now clinging to Mitsunari's chest. "Tsk..can't you two share?" he arched an eyebrow at the two girls who were fighting to sit on his lap.* SLAM* "eeek!" "hmm?" The sound of books dropping heavily to the ground made them all turn their heads to see...

Kiyomasa staring in shock at the scene in front of him. A few loose papers flew delicately from his hands joining the pile on the ground; as he swallowed slowly before pointing a shaking finger."...Mitsunari...what...what THE HELL?" he rubbed his neck with exasperation before hastily slamming the door shut. "Why'd you bring your 'golden whores' over? And why my study of all places?"

"Got a problem?" Mitsunari turned his nose up and crossed his arms (after pushing Kaneko and Kin away) "and don't call them 'whores'. Use the proper term 'hostess'."

"...I'm going out drinking." Kiyomasa grabbed his jacket and slammed the door loudly.

**_~Somewhere, elsewhere~_**

A frail looking girl dressed in a black hoodie and red shorts sat at a desk looking around her room; for some reason, her hood was pulled over her eyes and she was barefoot. There was a large platinum nameplate on her desk, which said: [**BOW DOWN TO ME].**The room itself was quite unusual, countless HD television screens were neatly arranged on the four walls while in each available space were posters of attractive (mostly shirtless) Korean men. Needless to say, there was also a variety of weapons, sweets, stuffed toys and small throwable objects scattered around the room.

"..." the only sound that could be heard was buttons being smashed as she attempted to perfect DYE. "...no...NOOO!" she suddenly slammed the console down and began sobbing with exaggerated sadness. "...I failed to get a perfect again...*sob* oh well! Let's do something else!"

Apparently forgetting everything, she switched all the TV screens on and began looking around until she saw one of interest. "Ahaha! I can't believe Police Force B finally made an appearance!...whooa they're so random!...Hmm...let's see what Masa-tan is doing!" she turned to another screen, it showed Masamune in the process of taking off his shirt. "..." she dropped her remote in shock before smiling like a crazy fangirl "Teehee! Must...RECORD" she grinned as she set the screen to [record] before continuing with her games.

"...god?" A tall man in a suit entered the room hesitantly. When nobody replied, he walked straight up to the desk, bowed politely and began speaking. "So far, there's only been random silliness. Are you aware of the possible consequences this might have on-guh!"

"Shh! Don't talk to me!I'm PLAYING!" she looked up sharply at the man who yelped and covered his head; as she instinctively threw the nearest object at him (a small hammer) before stretching her severely cramped fingers. "teehee! I thought I made it a rule that I should NEVER be interrupted when I'm playing!" she pushed the hood back and brushed her waist length black hair which had become messy and knotted. "Uwaah...I'm so tired. I knew I shouldn't have stayed up till 5am playing..."

"..anyway don't you think it's time you went down and visited? Or perhaps summoned _them_?" the man calmly placed a Band-Aid on the fresh cut which adorned his forehead before replacing his cracked sunglasses. "I'm worried you might have forgotten about the existence of some of them. Not to mention the other gifts from other gods."

"...I know...that...I know everything..." her finger skilfully mashed the keys as she stared at the screen with intense concentration. "...I'm the god of this world anyway... I'll think of something! teehee!." She paused mid-game before throwing another object (a worn sneaker) at the man "...just.. STOP INTERRUPTING ME! I'M PLAYING!"

* * *

**Notice: Database has now been updated **

**Mitsuhide Akechi**** : **Suffers from an inferiority complex. Do not mention the following terms : 2nd place, second, runner-up, 'number 2', and the like.

**Gracia Akechi: **has an inexplicable attraction and interest in small enclosed spaces i.e. wooden crates, boxes, and treasure chests

**Police Force A Sergeant **has the appearance of 'Generic Oda Officer' from Samurai Warriors 2. Otherwise, nothing of importance.

**Mikawa Café: **under ownership of Tokugawa-Kai. No further details available.

**Kurumi Natsumura: **journalist/photographer/ gossip reporter for CBR Media

**Age: **25

**Personality: ** very chatty and ditzy, will do anything to get her articles done, doesn't even care about others privacy, a professional blackmailer

**Physical Appearance: ** looks like a typical respectable business woman, has dark hair tied up in a bun, always has a camera hanging around her neck, wears glasses,

**Notes: **

-A master at spying on others, skilled at using surveillance equipment,

-her glasses always seem to have a certain suspicious glint to them, not to mention she keeps pushing them up and smirking

-seems to know about everyone,

**'****Maiden of Time':**redirecting to **[Ayyarin]**

**Kin and Kaneko Kinkaku**

**Occupation: **hostess /part time Meidos

**Age: **24 and 21

**Note: ** Kin is the older sister with short hair, Kaneko is the younger sister with long hair

-also act as informants for both Police Force A and Toyotomi-Kai

-3 sizes: Kin *BZZZT* [unknown error] Kaneko*KZZZZZZZT* Error 1893![Corrupt data]

**'Kurei'** Redirecting to **[TheCrazyPeople] **

**Yoshimoto Imagawa: **has the tenacity of a cockroach. Deal with him accordingly.

**'god/Dark Dragon God'**** *KZZT* [ACCESS ERROR DENIED. Please continue for further details.]**

* * *

_Aaannd another chapter is done! Gosh it's a mega long chapter! Hope you enjoyed that! What do you guys think of this one? Please be honest and review~~ reviews make authors happy! Well, you know how Gracia always seems to show up in crates/boxes? Yup. That's why! And Mitsuhide has an inferiority complex! Come on! It should be totally obvious why! Ahaha I changed the way I wrote this slightly...well I'm experimenting around, tell me if there are issues! HanKanRan...thats why I made the 3 work together..tooootally. _

_One thing! I don't hate Yoshimoto! Just couldn't resist doing that...he totally reminds me of a salesman in SWC... Haha! Another inside joke here: Tadakatsu Honda being an android? Wha? Well...you know how his armour has this tail thingy at the back? It totally reminded me and my friends of an electric plug wire thing (dunno the name) so when I'm playing as him and he's low on health or Musou...I instinctively go "He's outta power!" lol..lame joke eh? Oh yeah 'Fragments of the soul' (tentative title) is a future fic I might put up..(it's really weird though) Hah! I'm already shamelessly advertising! And..wtf was I on when I created Kurumi Natsumura? Man...she's annoying...I reckon she'll be one of the most disliked ocs, maybe after Yasuo? *rubs hands* I wonder..._

_AHAHA! Kurei-chaan~~ how's this eh? Mitsunari and his 'Golden Whores' make an appearance! Hah! FYI Kin means gold and Kaneko means golden child (Kane= old way of saying gold)...I think? Ahaha!... and who could possibly be the god of this world? *insert trollface* Remember to check out Ayyarin and TheCrazyPeople's fics! _


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